angry!

Today I ended my relationship with the owner of the old space. It was not civil. I accepted a check for less than is legally owed to me from the deposit. I almost didn't do it. I handed the check back to her at one point when she asked me to sign away my rights to the money.

We were standing on the street outside the old space. I saw that she had taken down the sign on the door that told customers we had moved. The place is still vacant, so there is no reason for that action other than pure meanness. I knew, for my own sanity, that I had to be done with her. The few hundred dollars were not worth fighting for. I took the check, signed the paper and said, "I'm only doing this so that I never have to deal with you again. You're a lying, crazy...." I threw the paper and her pen on the ground, turned and walked away.

I'm fairly certain that's not what Buddha would do. I'm going to reveal just how unspiritual I really am. I was so overcome with anger that the words came out of my mouth with absolutely no thought, no pause, no consideration. It was as though I had no choice.

I've heard that meditation will give us that pause, but I'm not meditating regularly right now. It gets worse, because even in hindsight I can't think of a better way to handle it. Doesn't she need to know what a crazy, lying bitch she is? Wasn't it my job to tell her?

Can someone tell me some better, calmer, more centered way to handle it?

I suffered a lot over that woman. She lied many times in attempts (sometimes successful) to get more money out of me. She refused to turn down the music in the restaurant she owned next door and the walls between us were very, very thin. Sometimes I couldn't help but notice that it would actually get loud when class started and quiet when class ended. I wondered (insanely, I hope) if she was intentionally trying to ruin my business.

I had two conversations with two different friends today who are having call-the-lawyer type disputes with their business partners. I considered taking on a partner for about a week once. We were completely incompatible, and I'm grateful that I saw that early. But sometimes it's not so obvious.

Who we do business with matters. A lot. Business partners especially. It's a marriage. But landlords too. I never liked her, and I should have let that be a warning. My current landlord is a big corporation. As bad as that sounds to our left-leaning ears, our interactions are always professional, civil, legal.

I also clearly have some work to do with anger. I am self-righteous, and I am a know-it-all. I saw it in all its glory this morning. Can yoga soften that? Will yoga soften that? I sense that asana helps, but that the real antidote is found in sitting practice. Or maybe I'll just hold onto it for a little while longer. Telling that woman off was the most satisfying thing I've done in a long, long time.