don't force it

My friend, Matthew, is teaching himself to jump forward from down dog into crow. It's a really, really difficult thing to do that requires having control of your body in handstand enough to bring your knees into your armpits and balance there on your hands.

I'm trying to learn to jump from crow to chaturanga, a much more basic move. I've had enough yoga teachers tell me, and I can feel in my own body, that I am strong enough to do it. I'm just scared. When I'm in crow, my legs are glued to my upper arms and no matter how much I think about shooting my legs back, I can 't get my brain to command the movement.

So I found a video online where a teacher goes through the steps for both jumping out of and into crow. I sent it along to Matthew. The teacher said several times, "don't force it," which I love because it means I can hang out in the comfort and safety of my little crow pose. There's nothing wrong with that, but am I maybe, just a little, postponing my growth?

Matthew pointed out that there is a fine line between forcing (which most of us agree we don't want to do) and trying really hard.

I'll give my crow a break here because arm balances and inversions are really difficult poses for me (it took me three years of trying really hard just to kick into handstand), and whether I jump back to chaturanga is ultimately not that important. It will come.

But what about off the mat?

I'm going to talk about real estate. From the time I got my license in early December until a couple weeks ago, I was working really, really hard at it. I wrote a couple of offers that didn't get accepted. I spent many, many hours working for clients who decided not to buy. I'm not complaining. That's the job, but I'm feeling like it would be just a tad easier if I were really meant to be doing that work.

When I'm working on the studio, things fall into place magically. My days pass, and I feel useful and rewarded. I work hard and put in long hours, but the work never feels hard. It's engaging and fun, and I get immediate feedback both when I do things well and when I fuck things up.

I'm not giving up my real estate license, but I am taking it easy. Maybe a burst of energy will come that will shoot my legs back into chaturanga. Maybe a burst of energy will come and I'll start marketing myself and finding new clients. In both cases, I'm just going to wait for it.

That's probably not in the real estate success manuals. I don't care. If I'm supposed to be doing it, there's no forcing. Legwork, yes. Pushing, striving, grasping, no. It's not worth the mental effort and energy, even if I do get the client or deal or whatever it is. Even if I jump back to chaturanga in the middle of class with everyone watching. I will not have enjoyed the process. I will have wasted my time, because we all know (I hope) that earning more money or getting a new yoga pose only makes us happy for fleeting, quick little moment. Enjoying what we do keeps us happy in the long term.

So how does one know if she's forcing or just working hard? That's the tricky part. God knows I've had a lot of bad ideas that seemed inspired at the time. I'm starting to be able to discern, just a tiny little bit, the difference in how they feel. Forcing feels tight and constricted and results-oriented. Strong effort feels engaging and expansive and is process-oriented.

May I stay in the latter.