I spent the day in the heart of the yoga business world, at the Yoga Journal San Francisco Conference. I was there volunteering for a non-profit yoga group. Honestly, I was uncomfortable all day. I was uncomfortable with the unabashed commercialism of the main conference, but I was also (to my surprise) uncomfortable with what I saw as a bit of martyrdom on the part of the non-profit group.
It cost several hundred dollars to attend the three day Yoga Journal conference. I couldn't afford to go, which is part of the reason I volunteered. They offered a few free classes for the community, but the classes were short (one hour, while the regular events were all at least two) and they had corporate sponsors. I was excluded from the majority of the conference because I couldn't pay. It was an exclusive event, and that fact made me feel, well, excluded. It was uncomfortable and reminded me a bit of not being able to sit at the cool table in middle school.
The problem of people being priced out of yoga altogether is a bigger issue, and one that the both I (in my for-profit business) and the founder of the nonprofit are trying to address.
The founder of the nonprofit was being interviewed for a book at the table we were working, and I got to listen in on the conversation. She talked about always having a second job, in addition to running three nonprofit yoga centers and a separate nonprofit outreach group. She seemed to take pride in that and mentioned that working the second job kept her teaching real. She knew what it meant for wrists to hurt from typing, what it felt like to be on her feet all day.
I get that, but isn't yoga about getting quiet and still and finding time for our selves? It is incredibly difficult to be centered and focused and clear when I am working 100 hours a week. I know; I've done it plenty! But I would never, ever advise my students to try it, and I know it's inadvisable for me too.
My business has a mission statement, and in the mission statement is the word viable. If the business is not supporting the people who work hard to keep it running, it is not viable.
The founder of the nonprofit asked me why I wasn't a nonprofit yet. I think she assumed that I just hadn't dealt with the paperwork or hired an attorney, but the real reason is that I don't want to be a nonprofit. I run a for-profit business, and I feel pretty good about that.
I believe we can have the best of both worlds, for-profit enterprises that are inclusive and mission-driven. Square One is a for-profit social enterprise and there are many more of them popping up. To me, it's the ideal business model. Stating that I am a for-profit enterprise is honest and real. Searching for ways my organization can bring more health and wellness and happiness to my community and the world is the mission, the right thing to do, and good business sense. Making money and doing good are not mutually exclusive.
I'm not a altruist. I'm not a saint. I need to be supported financially for the work I do. I'm not going to pretend that isn't true or feel guilty about it. But I'm also going to keep looking for ways to include more people, ways for the studio to be friendlier and more accessible and ways to make sure that the classes are consistently good. That's it.
I'm glad I went to the conference. There were a lot of sessions that looked really interesting. Maybe next year I'm plunk down the cash and go. Maybe I'll apply for a scholarship if money is still tight. To their credit, they do offer some scholarships. Or maybe next year, I'll find a really great teacher to offer a fun workshop that weekend at my studio. He doesn't have to be famous or have expensive shorts. He just has to be good. I think that's my plan. Maybe we'll make a little money.
Yoga is all about being unattached to results. We do our duty, that’s it. If we’re truly connected, then we are at peace no matter what happens, no matter how many people come to our class, or whether our business fails or succeeds... Then why am I always such a mess?
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
practice, practice, practice!
Update: I have set my alarm every morning this week and gotten up more or less when I intended to. I've also made it to Rusty's class as planned on both Tuesday and today. That's the best, most important thing happening in my life right now.
As I've mentioned many times here, starting a business really did a number on my asana practice. What I've been doing for the last year really is just maintenance. I haven't gotten stronger or much more flexible or learned any new poses. (Of course, purists could easily argue that this has nothing to do with yoga, but let's face it. I want to get stronger and more flexible and learn new poses. Starting the studio is also yoga, but right now I'm talking about being on the mat.)
It's ironic that someone who lives next door to a yoga studio where she can go to class for free all day long should have a hard time getting to yoga. But I have. And when I do go, it's usually because it's my job. I need to do sample classes and be at the studio and greet students and be a presence. I really love doing all that, but it's not the inward, quiet, private practice of yoga, and that's what I've been missing.
I also need to be challenged. I need to really work my body. I need to be invited to try poses I've never done before. I need to be encouraged to push myself. When this happens in yoga, everything changes.
The most obvious thing that happens is that I get high. Being in Rusty's class reminds me a lot of being at a club in the 90's high on ecstasy. There's good, loud music and lots and lots of people with these gorgeous, enormous smiles that make me feel like I've arrived, that I'm home. And there's sweat. Lots and lots of sweat.
But something else happens that's a little more subtle. I touch parts of my body that are very, very difficult to get at. I get deep and dirty in my hip sockets. I use my core from the bottom of my pelvis to the pit of my belly and all along the sides of my stomach. I use it all. My hamstrings don't just stretch. That's easy. The tendons at the edge of my sit bones loosen and release and my spine falls cleanly to my legs. The balls of my feet ground down, and all the little muscles in feet activate to lift my arches. My legs shake with effort from deep down, right next to the bone.
Sometimes this is all happening at the same time, and I get to watch. I get watch my mind tell me it's too hard, tell me I can't do it, I shouldn't do it, it's too much. Then there's the breath, the breath that keeps flowing deeply, right into those spaces. The breath that tells me that it's hard, but that I'm okay. I'm steady. I'm there. I'm safe.
And what's in there? What is it that I'm touching? I don't have words for it exactly, but I'll tell you what happens. I leave cleaner. I lie back in savasana and what was buried deep in my flesh has been loosened, is brought to the surface. Sometimes I cry. Tears roll down my cheeks and puddle in my ears. Just like when I was a beginner, and I was crazy and depressed and sick. I'm not a beginner anymore, and I'm not depressed or sick. But I still have work to do. I'm not there yet. It's a relief to know that. It's a relief to cry in savasana again and know that the work has restarted.
"Practice, and all is coming." -Sri K. Pattabhi Jois
Two things:
1. Everybody, of course, should come to square one yoga. But I'm going to plug Urban Flow pretty heavily too. It's a really friendly and welcoming space, and Rusty's class is amazing. I think Square One and Urban Flow are basically after the same thing. Go check it out! Better yet, come with us. Send me an email, and I'll tell you the details.
2. Are you reading this? I know there are a few of you. Will you please follow me? I only have one follower, and as much as I'm trying not to care, I want to see your pretty faces and names up there. Thanks!!
As I've mentioned many times here, starting a business really did a number on my asana practice. What I've been doing for the last year really is just maintenance. I haven't gotten stronger or much more flexible or learned any new poses. (Of course, purists could easily argue that this has nothing to do with yoga, but let's face it. I want to get stronger and more flexible and learn new poses. Starting the studio is also yoga, but right now I'm talking about being on the mat.)
It's ironic that someone who lives next door to a yoga studio where she can go to class for free all day long should have a hard time getting to yoga. But I have. And when I do go, it's usually because it's my job. I need to do sample classes and be at the studio and greet students and be a presence. I really love doing all that, but it's not the inward, quiet, private practice of yoga, and that's what I've been missing.
I also need to be challenged. I need to really work my body. I need to be invited to try poses I've never done before. I need to be encouraged to push myself. When this happens in yoga, everything changes.
The most obvious thing that happens is that I get high. Being in Rusty's class reminds me a lot of being at a club in the 90's high on ecstasy. There's good, loud music and lots and lots of people with these gorgeous, enormous smiles that make me feel like I've arrived, that I'm home. And there's sweat. Lots and lots of sweat.
But something else happens that's a little more subtle. I touch parts of my body that are very, very difficult to get at. I get deep and dirty in my hip sockets. I use my core from the bottom of my pelvis to the pit of my belly and all along the sides of my stomach. I use it all. My hamstrings don't just stretch. That's easy. The tendons at the edge of my sit bones loosen and release and my spine falls cleanly to my legs. The balls of my feet ground down, and all the little muscles in feet activate to lift my arches. My legs shake with effort from deep down, right next to the bone.
Sometimes this is all happening at the same time, and I get to watch. I get watch my mind tell me it's too hard, tell me I can't do it, I shouldn't do it, it's too much. Then there's the breath, the breath that keeps flowing deeply, right into those spaces. The breath that tells me that it's hard, but that I'm okay. I'm steady. I'm there. I'm safe.
And what's in there? What is it that I'm touching? I don't have words for it exactly, but I'll tell you what happens. I leave cleaner. I lie back in savasana and what was buried deep in my flesh has been loosened, is brought to the surface. Sometimes I cry. Tears roll down my cheeks and puddle in my ears. Just like when I was a beginner, and I was crazy and depressed and sick. I'm not a beginner anymore, and I'm not depressed or sick. But I still have work to do. I'm not there yet. It's a relief to know that. It's a relief to cry in savasana again and know that the work has restarted.
"Practice, and all is coming." -Sri K. Pattabhi Jois
Two things:
1. Everybody, of course, should come to square one yoga. But I'm going to plug Urban Flow pretty heavily too. It's a really friendly and welcoming space, and Rusty's class is amazing. I think Square One and Urban Flow are basically after the same thing. Go check it out! Better yet, come with us. Send me an email, and I'll tell you the details.
2. Are you reading this? I know there are a few of you. Will you please follow me? I only have one follower, and as much as I'm trying not to care, I want to see your pretty faces and names up there. Thanks!!
Sunday, January 24, 2010
consistency
I am not very consistent. I forget things. I've found myself saying to a lot of people lately, "I'm sorry. I dropped the ball." A lot.
It was easier to be consistent and to have good habits when I worked a regular job. There were things that had to get done in the morning before work and things that had to get done in the evening. I set an alarm and woke up early. I went to bed at basically the same time every night. I woke up and did it all over again. I had deadlines imposed by institutions and bosses and groups of people who needed me to accomplish certain tasks by certain times. For the most part, I followed them. I met deadlines. I showed up.
Six weeks into self employment and I have shut off the alarm. It's kinda nice, lying in bed. I have a dog and a cat, one on each side, and they're warm and they love me, and I'm not late to anything but my own to-do list. But while I don't have deadlines or bosses, I still have groups of people who need me to accomplish things by certain times in order to be able to do their jobs effectively. And like I said, I've been dropping the ball.
There are other important things don't happen that basically no one cares about but me, but that I care about a lot. The blog doesn't get written. I don't take as many long walks with the dog. I skip yoga.
It's not that I'm not working. I'm working long days, but without a rhythm, without habits and without structure. Now the structure has to be internally motivated, internally moderated, and I have a hard time with that. Self control essentially, right? If I can't put down the pint of Ben and Jerry's, can I impose a healthy schedule on myself?
I'm going to try. I'm going to start easy. I'm just going to set the alarm. That's it. I don't even have to set it really early. I just have to set it, and then I have to get up.
I think I'll add two more things. Tuesday and Thursday mornings at 9 am, you will find me at Rusty Well's all levels class at his lovely new studio in the city. (Urban Flow. Go!) I want to get stronger, and I know it will happen in his class. And Tuesday is my day off. I don't work on Tuesdays.
Of course, then there's the question: what's work? The best thing about my life right now is that my work is my hobby, and my friends are my clients. So what's a day off? I'm not exactly sure, but I have a hunch it's important. All the best things that have happened in my professional life have happened effortlessly, in times of rest and relaxation, when I wasn't thinking about work. But this is a whole new topic for a new entry, and it's pushing ten. I guess I have an early day tomorrow.
It was easier to be consistent and to have good habits when I worked a regular job. There were things that had to get done in the morning before work and things that had to get done in the evening. I set an alarm and woke up early. I went to bed at basically the same time every night. I woke up and did it all over again. I had deadlines imposed by institutions and bosses and groups of people who needed me to accomplish certain tasks by certain times. For the most part, I followed them. I met deadlines. I showed up.
Six weeks into self employment and I have shut off the alarm. It's kinda nice, lying in bed. I have a dog and a cat, one on each side, and they're warm and they love me, and I'm not late to anything but my own to-do list. But while I don't have deadlines or bosses, I still have groups of people who need me to accomplish things by certain times in order to be able to do their jobs effectively. And like I said, I've been dropping the ball.
There are other important things don't happen that basically no one cares about but me, but that I care about a lot. The blog doesn't get written. I don't take as many long walks with the dog. I skip yoga.
It's not that I'm not working. I'm working long days, but without a rhythm, without habits and without structure. Now the structure has to be internally motivated, internally moderated, and I have a hard time with that. Self control essentially, right? If I can't put down the pint of Ben and Jerry's, can I impose a healthy schedule on myself?
I'm going to try. I'm going to start easy. I'm just going to set the alarm. That's it. I don't even have to set it really early. I just have to set it, and then I have to get up.
I think I'll add two more things. Tuesday and Thursday mornings at 9 am, you will find me at Rusty Well's all levels class at his lovely new studio in the city. (Urban Flow. Go!) I want to get stronger, and I know it will happen in his class. And Tuesday is my day off. I don't work on Tuesdays.
Of course, then there's the question: what's work? The best thing about my life right now is that my work is my hobby, and my friends are my clients. So what's a day off? I'm not exactly sure, but I have a hunch it's important. All the best things that have happened in my professional life have happened effortlessly, in times of rest and relaxation, when I wasn't thinking about work. But this is a whole new topic for a new entry, and it's pushing ten. I guess I have an early day tomorrow.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Haiti
Haiti.
I live my life in a very pleasant bubble. I listen to NPR, but I like the happy stories, the touching stories about families and the distant, dispassionate stories about politics. I like stories about our president, whom I adore. I do not like this story about Haiti. I cannot fathom what is happening on that little island so close to us.
I have lost friends, but always one at a time. There is this palatable sense when the loss is fresh that the world has changed, that a hole has been created, a void. I always know, can feel it in my arms and legs and belly, that the world will never the same, that the universe has changed in some real and significant way, that we have all lost something incredibly important that we will never get back. What would that feel like if I lost many, many friends and family members, not to mention my schools and my home and my business and my pets all at the same time?
Incomprehensible. Unbearable.
Square One is hosting a benefit concert for disaster relief on January 30th at 7 pm. Making Dinner (the band) is confirmed, and I'm waiting to hear from a couple others. All of the proceeds will go to aid organizations working now in Haiti. If you are a musician and would like to play (it's a volunteer gig), please email me katy@katycryer.com. We're requesting $20 donation. It'll be an anonymous, toss-in-the-pot kind of thing, so no worries if cash is tight. Wine, beer and a fine selection of NABs will also be available, by donation. Please come.
Be well, everyone!
I live my life in a very pleasant bubble. I listen to NPR, but I like the happy stories, the touching stories about families and the distant, dispassionate stories about politics. I like stories about our president, whom I adore. I do not like this story about Haiti. I cannot fathom what is happening on that little island so close to us.
I have lost friends, but always one at a time. There is this palatable sense when the loss is fresh that the world has changed, that a hole has been created, a void. I always know, can feel it in my arms and legs and belly, that the world will never the same, that the universe has changed in some real and significant way, that we have all lost something incredibly important that we will never get back. What would that feel like if I lost many, many friends and family members, not to mention my schools and my home and my business and my pets all at the same time?
Incomprehensible. Unbearable.
Square One is hosting a benefit concert for disaster relief on January 30th at 7 pm. Making Dinner (the band) is confirmed, and I'm waiting to hear from a couple others. All of the proceeds will go to aid organizations working now in Haiti. If you are a musician and would like to play (it's a volunteer gig), please email me katy@katycryer.com. We're requesting $20 donation. It'll be an anonymous, toss-in-the-pot kind of thing, so no worries if cash is tight. Wine, beer and a fine selection of NABs will also be available, by donation. Please come.
Be well, everyone!
Friday, January 8, 2010
Getting up, Katy + Organic Cotton (by K.B. Teo)
8:41am. It was a struggle to get up this morning. I was awake from 4:45am and I fell asleep at 6am. I was NOT chirpy at 7am when I woke up once more. Its kinda ironic because I read Katy's response to my blog yesterday!
What I love about Katy's blog is she's authentic. She's present in her full glory. I kinda hide behind facts, figures, and optimism. In other words, so far, I've only blogged on days where the SUN blesses me with her bright Rays, when I've had my Steaming English Breakfast Tea, and NEVER when I have a backache, a headache OR when I'm not feeling as sweet as a cupcake. This was what struck me when we interviewed Katy about how she set up her yoga studio in Emeryville. She was raw, and open.
And because beautiful Katy was raw and open, how could I not like her. How could I not feel that when I speak to Katy, she forces me to be authentic and real. Now that's emotional yoga. [Note: Andy and I are almost done with Katy's movie ... and it'll be posted here when we launch.]
But I (again) digress. Today is actually about organic cotton.
Organic cotton, per Rachel, can be bought in Egypt, Turkey and India. According to thehindubusinessline.com, India is the LARGEST producer of organic cotton. Turkey is #3 and Egypt - which brings to mind the soft Egyptian cotton I remember as a child - is not actually a top five producer.
Speeseees makes organic baby clothes. Ingredients are
* certified organic cotton
* fair trade
* low impact dyes
* pvc-free plastisols
* lots of love
When Rachel first started, she wrote this poem about chiks. I thought I would share it because Betsy and I always find it so interesting to hear how small business owners start : how was the idea germinated?
Chicks was the first animal Rachel put on baby clothes. She put it on her first baby onesy, for her best friend who loved chickens.
Love. It seems to come up, and sometimes it seems cheesy and sometimes, it's the engine that runs the train. I met Ike the other day. Ike - from the ever-popular Ike's Sandwich Place, which is going to open soon at the Stanford University campus. Ike talks alot about love. Unabashedly. He signed off in his email to me: Lots of love, Ike. Which would make any girl blush. Alright ... I blushed.
What has love got to do with business? Well, Betsy and I are determined to find out. And we'll let you know once Ike tells us.
As always, GOOD MORNING! It's 9:00, 8 days into the new decade.
Lots of love (I had to try this out once ... tell me if you blush),
K.B.
www.mymightybiz.com
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Work and Life
I just read K.B.'s most recent entry, and I want to respond.
It's just back to this blogging = whining trap that I think I fall into. K.B. doesn't do that; I do that.
I love working!! When she says she was up and working at 6 am and loving it, and I just want to say that when I was up at 6 am working, I was loving it too! There has been absolutely nothing in my life more exciting and stimulating and interesting that starting a business. Right now in my life, there's not a lot of reason for me to be up at 6 working, which I'm really, really grateful for. But when there was, I was happy doing it.
I just can't be in the start-up stage forever, and I think my psychology wants me to do that, so I have to be careful. It comes back to the concept of dharma. If I'm in dharma, there's no difference between work and love and life. It's all the same. There is no workaholism and no exhaustion, there's just living and doing what I'm called to do.
That's what I'm after, and usually when I'm working really long hours, it feels like dharma. It's just life, and I love it. Work and friends and relationships and fun all weave together.
I was walking the dog this morning at the Marina and I walked past the line of cars waiting to pick up car poolers. I used to wait in that line, and picking people up marked the beginning of my work day, the beginning of a long commute. My work life was completely separate and distinct from the rest of my life.
It's not so now. Now I'm walking the dog in my pajamas, enjoying a beautiful morning on the Bay, sipping Peet's coffee. I have my phone, and as I walk, I shoot off a couple emails, maybe I make a phone call or two. Is that multitasking (tsk, tsk), or is that enjoying life while I get a couple things done?
I'll take it this way and sorry if I sometimes slip into whiny moments!
It's just back to this blogging = whining trap that I think I fall into. K.B. doesn't do that; I do that.
I love working!! When she says she was up and working at 6 am and loving it, and I just want to say that when I was up at 6 am working, I was loving it too! There has been absolutely nothing in my life more exciting and stimulating and interesting that starting a business. Right now in my life, there's not a lot of reason for me to be up at 6 working, which I'm really, really grateful for. But when there was, I was happy doing it.
I just can't be in the start-up stage forever, and I think my psychology wants me to do that, so I have to be careful. It comes back to the concept of dharma. If I'm in dharma, there's no difference between work and love and life. It's all the same. There is no workaholism and no exhaustion, there's just living and doing what I'm called to do.
That's what I'm after, and usually when I'm working really long hours, it feels like dharma. It's just life, and I love it. Work and friends and relationships and fun all weave together.
I was walking the dog this morning at the Marina and I walked past the line of cars waiting to pick up car poolers. I used to wait in that line, and picking people up marked the beginning of my work day, the beginning of a long commute. My work life was completely separate and distinct from the rest of my life.
It's not so now. Now I'm walking the dog in my pajamas, enjoying a beautiful morning on the Bay, sipping Peet's coffee. I have my phone, and as I walk, I shoot off a couple emails, maybe I make a phone call or two. Is that multitasking (tsk, tsk), or is that enjoying life while I get a couple things done?
I'll take it this way and sorry if I sometimes slip into whiny moments!
Going to see Rachel of speesees.com (By K.B. Teo)
Going to see Rachel of speesees.com, a SF-based organic baby clothes manufacturer
Posted
less than a minute ago
by k.teo@mymightyb...It's 7:40am and I've been up since 6am. It's been like this for two weeks. You'd think I hate it but actually, I don't! I love the fresh morning air - it's so crisp. I love the feeling of getting ahead. And it's been good to be so busy as we chug along with our very own small business.
This morning, I'm excited to announce that I'm filming WITH Betsy Flanagan of Startup Studio for the first time! We'll be interviewing Rachel of www.speesees.com, a design shop that makes organic baby clothes based right here in San Francisco!
Betsy is PassioNate (yes, capital P and N) about small business stories like me. How did they start? Where did they get the idea? Did anyone help them? How did they find the money to do it? Are they happy?
She has actually interviewed Herby of Southwest, Steve Smith of Tazo Tea and Grace Welch of Patemm (www.patemm.com), founder of a ROUND baby changing pad (!) featured on The Oprah Winfrey Show. Betsy's podcasts can be found on allbusiness.com, and hopefully, soon on our site as well.
This morning, we're going to film (we moved from podcasts to videos) Rachel. Rachel is a powerhouse. She started speesees.com back in 2003 and at her first trade show, Rachel tells me she was one out of just three people selling organic baby clothes. Rachel strikes me as visionary. She thinks big. And she's succeeded in such a competitive area. You'll get to watch her own story in her own words, shortly, on our site, www.mymightybiz.com.
I also have fantastic news! Our very own, Katy Cryer, is going to be on radio! Watch out for her on Monday, January 11th at 5pm on 91.7!!
Good morning everyone! It's 7:54!
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Balancing
The best, strongest poses in my asana practice are balances. The most difficult thing in my life right now is finding balance.
It's been about a year since I first found the space that is now Square One and started thinking about whether to open a yoga studio. I worked from 6 am until 11 or 12 at night for the next three months. There was a certain point after the studio opened when I went on a daylong meditation retreat and realized that I had not taken a day off of work in over four months. It's good that I went on a retreat, but at the same time, if a friend or student had not taken a day off in four months, I would tell her not to go anywhere, to curl up with a book or a bunch of DVDs, to sleep, to do whatever required the least mental and physical effort possible. But even my day off was about improvement.
It was right around New Year's Eve this year (which I spent alone for the first time ever) that I found myself sitting in the car on the phone, in between appointments, sobbing, with a potential new therapist. What happened to my relationships? Where were they? Why wasn't I in one?
I had paused long enough to feel lonely.
Starting a business is really hard work. Starting a business and working another job at the same time is simply insane. I love what I've created. I just wonder if I have created it at the expense of something else. Or maybe what's more accurate is that I busied myself with its creation as a way to distract myself from the loneliness and disconnection that were already there.
I distract myself and check out in so many ways. At this point in my life, it seems to be with work, but at other moments in my life it is with eating or drinking or shopping. I even (gasp!) have done a lot of drugs! These are all strategies that have worked for varying amounts of time. But if what I'm distracting myself from is loneliness, maybe it would be a hell of a lot easier just to address the loneliness.
This week, I'm saying yes to every social invitation that comes my way. I'm going out to dinner tomorrow. I'm going sailing and I'm going on a nighttime cruise to Alcatraz on Friday. Saturday I'm going to Bodega Bay where I'll spend the night at a house a friend has rented for the weekend. There will be a whole bunch of people there, many of whom I won't even know. I'm going anyway. I don't know when I will do the payroll, or find houses for my clients. I do know that I will show up to teach my yoga classes, and I do know that my teachers will have checks on the day they are supposed to have checks. Past that, there's nothing else that I really have to do. Except have fun, dammit!
It's been about a year since I first found the space that is now Square One and started thinking about whether to open a yoga studio. I worked from 6 am until 11 or 12 at night for the next three months. There was a certain point after the studio opened when I went on a daylong meditation retreat and realized that I had not taken a day off of work in over four months. It's good that I went on a retreat, but at the same time, if a friend or student had not taken a day off in four months, I would tell her not to go anywhere, to curl up with a book or a bunch of DVDs, to sleep, to do whatever required the least mental and physical effort possible. But even my day off was about improvement.
It was right around New Year's Eve this year (which I spent alone for the first time ever) that I found myself sitting in the car on the phone, in between appointments, sobbing, with a potential new therapist. What happened to my relationships? Where were they? Why wasn't I in one?
I had paused long enough to feel lonely.
Starting a business is really hard work. Starting a business and working another job at the same time is simply insane. I love what I've created. I just wonder if I have created it at the expense of something else. Or maybe what's more accurate is that I busied myself with its creation as a way to distract myself from the loneliness and disconnection that were already there.
I distract myself and check out in so many ways. At this point in my life, it seems to be with work, but at other moments in my life it is with eating or drinking or shopping. I even (gasp!) have done a lot of drugs! These are all strategies that have worked for varying amounts of time. But if what I'm distracting myself from is loneliness, maybe it would be a hell of a lot easier just to address the loneliness.
This week, I'm saying yes to every social invitation that comes my way. I'm going out to dinner tomorrow. I'm going sailing and I'm going on a nighttime cruise to Alcatraz on Friday. Saturday I'm going to Bodega Bay where I'll spend the night at a house a friend has rented for the weekend. There will be a whole bunch of people there, many of whom I won't even know. I'm going anyway. I don't know when I will do the payroll, or find houses for my clients. I do know that I will show up to teach my yoga classes, and I do know that my teachers will have checks on the day they are supposed to have checks. Past that, there's nothing else that I really have to do. Except have fun, dammit!
Monday, January 4, 2010
Leases
My mother alerted me that I haven't updated my readers (her?) about what's going on with the space.
I am not getting either of the two spaces I mentioned earlier. The one I liked so much with the patio was just too expensive to get into. The other one is not zoned properly, and while we may have been able to work around that, it was the holidays and the right people didn't return my phone calls.
(Note to self: Always answer the phone and return phone calls! When I need something done and someone doesn't answer the phone or call me back right away, I just move on to the next person. Often that means someone lost some business.)
So I found a space in Emeryville that I will probably sign a lease on this week. There is a little bit of an art to negotiating leases, and I'm learning a lot about that right now. I think I lost the last deal because I was cash poor and I let everyone know it. Landlords don't like that. They need to believe you can come up with cash if you need to. It's not about the cash necessarily, it's about the ability to come up with cash.
I don't have to come up with much cash for this space in Emeryville, although I never made a big deal about not having it. I just told them what I needed. I learned to be firm and clear without appearing needy or without resources.
When I signed my first lease on the current space, people told me to negotiate, but I didn't do a very good job. I actually didn't negotiate at all, although I thought I did. I didn't ask for any decrease in the rent that she was asking. The market was better for landlords then, but I'm shocked at myself for not even asking. I ended up paying way, way too much, and I didn't even know it because I hadn't really done my research. Yes, I looked at listings online, but I never bothered to find out what landlords would actually take, which is can be quite different from listed prices. This time, I got the rent knocked down considerably. I am paying about $1.12 per square foot, and I've definitely done my research this time, so I can say with certainty that I am getting a bargain.
My advice to anyone negotiating a commercial lease is to ask for what you want. Shoot low. In this market, they will counter and they might even say yes. Never, in any market, assume that you have to pay what they're asking. Never assume that you have to put up all of the cash they request. Always get free rent for your build out. Ask for the landlord to make improvements.
I thought I was negotiating my first lease, but I never asked for anything. I only asked for things that, looking back, I know are very, very small and would probably have been included in the lease anyway. Like the ability to sublet. That was my big coup. Turns out, you can always sublet unless it specifically says you can't in the lease. My second piece of advice is to be prepared to walk away. If you don't get what you need, let it go. There are other spaces, and your ability to walk away is your best friend in the negotiation. If you do walk, you will have gained a lot of negotiation experience, and you'll know more about what the market can handle. You'll know how low you can go and what's reasonable to expect next time.
I've always hated negotiating. I live in Mexico City for five years, and would still pay full price for trotskys on the street (just like a tourist, fresh off the boat) because I just didn't want to deal with it. It's all fear, right? I'm fearful that people won't like me or will recognize me as being inexperienced and naive. I'll feel silly if I ask for the wrong things. But we have to ask for what we want, in business negotiations and in life. We have to trust our desires to be real and God-given and legitimate in the same way that we are real and God-given and legitimate. There's not that much difference. So ask. Go for it.
I am not getting either of the two spaces I mentioned earlier. The one I liked so much with the patio was just too expensive to get into. The other one is not zoned properly, and while we may have been able to work around that, it was the holidays and the right people didn't return my phone calls.
(Note to self: Always answer the phone and return phone calls! When I need something done and someone doesn't answer the phone or call me back right away, I just move on to the next person. Often that means someone lost some business.)
So I found a space in Emeryville that I will probably sign a lease on this week. There is a little bit of an art to negotiating leases, and I'm learning a lot about that right now. I think I lost the last deal because I was cash poor and I let everyone know it. Landlords don't like that. They need to believe you can come up with cash if you need to. It's not about the cash necessarily, it's about the ability to come up with cash.
I don't have to come up with much cash for this space in Emeryville, although I never made a big deal about not having it. I just told them what I needed. I learned to be firm and clear without appearing needy or without resources.
When I signed my first lease on the current space, people told me to negotiate, but I didn't do a very good job. I actually didn't negotiate at all, although I thought I did. I didn't ask for any decrease in the rent that she was asking. The market was better for landlords then, but I'm shocked at myself for not even asking. I ended up paying way, way too much, and I didn't even know it because I hadn't really done my research. Yes, I looked at listings online, but I never bothered to find out what landlords would actually take, which is can be quite different from listed prices. This time, I got the rent knocked down considerably. I am paying about $1.12 per square foot, and I've definitely done my research this time, so I can say with certainty that I am getting a bargain.
My advice to anyone negotiating a commercial lease is to ask for what you want. Shoot low. In this market, they will counter and they might even say yes. Never, in any market, assume that you have to pay what they're asking. Never assume that you have to put up all of the cash they request. Always get free rent for your build out. Ask for the landlord to make improvements.
I thought I was negotiating my first lease, but I never asked for anything. I only asked for things that, looking back, I know are very, very small and would probably have been included in the lease anyway. Like the ability to sublet. That was my big coup. Turns out, you can always sublet unless it specifically says you can't in the lease. My second piece of advice is to be prepared to walk away. If you don't get what you need, let it go. There are other spaces, and your ability to walk away is your best friend in the negotiation. If you do walk, you will have gained a lot of negotiation experience, and you'll know more about what the market can handle. You'll know how low you can go and what's reasonable to expect next time.
I've always hated negotiating. I live in Mexico City for five years, and would still pay full price for trotskys on the street (just like a tourist, fresh off the boat) because I just didn't want to deal with it. It's all fear, right? I'm fearful that people won't like me or will recognize me as being inexperienced and naive. I'll feel silly if I ask for the wrong things. But we have to ask for what we want, in business negotiations and in life. We have to trust our desires to be real and God-given and legitimate in the same way that we are real and God-given and legitimate. There's not that much difference. So ask. Go for it.
My First Post (by K.B. Teo)
Happy 2010!
This is my first blog post and I have to thank Katy for keeping me board with this! Katy and I decided to co-blog a few weeks back ... because we simply wanted to try something different! But I also secretly hoped, her enthusiasm and propensity to write might rub off on me!
Writing is tough for me and it seems to come easier to Katy, as she told me yesterday at my Welcome to 2010 low-stress, low-commitment, lazy brunch. I feel (oddly) guilty about not being able to tweet or maintain a daily blog. So if you're like me, it helps to know that 90% of tweets come from 10% of twitters.
I'm not kidding. That nugget of an information is actually true. From a Harvard study no less. Also, among "Twitter users, the median number of lifetime tweets per user is one". One! Ha ha ha - so much for the "trend cloud" that Twitter supposedly generates.
While this is SURPRISING to say the least, according to the same study, it's a common trend among social networks. Fore example, 15% of Wikipedia users account for 90% of edits and you can even anecdotally verify this by looking at the review count of reviewers on yelp.com.
In the words of the same study, this makes Twitter more of a "one way" publishing service. In the last few months, I met a few small business owners who asked me if they should Twitter. Urgh, at first I thought it's a tough decision … but reviewing it again …
Yes, I CAN (CAN is probably as important as SHOULD)
it's really alot easier to write 140 characters than a whole blog
i have a lot more soundbites in me than I have prose
I can tweet by texting from my iphone (talk about easy!)
why not! It's a one-way publishing service! Like FREE PRESS!
No, I can’t
i despise soundbites
if I have a “soundbite” in me, it’s usually an expletive (!)
texting from my phone costs me 10c
My take? Yes, tweet if you can! It’s a one-way publishing service anyway! And there are ways to link your blog to your tweets! Subraya, a friend who owns two small technology services companies, recommends this service: http://www.ping.fm/.
Gosh, that was fun and MyFirstPost is much longer than I expected. A sign of good things to come! More later! Happy New Year, dear friends!
K.B.
This is my first blog post and I have to thank Katy for keeping me board with this! Katy and I decided to co-blog a few weeks back ... because we simply wanted to try something different! But I also secretly hoped, her enthusiasm and propensity to write might rub off on me!
Writing is tough for me and it seems to come easier to Katy, as she told me yesterday at my Welcome to 2010 low-stress, low-commitment, lazy brunch. I feel (oddly) guilty about not being able to tweet or maintain a daily blog. So if you're like me, it helps to know that 90% of tweets come from 10% of twitters.
I'm not kidding. That nugget of an information is actually true. From a Harvard study no less. Also, among "Twitter users, the median number of lifetime tweets per user is one". One! Ha ha ha - so much for the "trend cloud" that Twitter supposedly generates.
While this is SURPRISING to say the least, according to the same study, it's a common trend among social networks. Fore example, 15% of Wikipedia users account for 90% of edits and you can even anecdotally verify this by looking at the review count of reviewers on yelp.com.
In the words of the same study, this makes Twitter more of a "one way" publishing service. In the last few months, I met a few small business owners who asked me if they should Twitter. Urgh, at first I thought it's a tough decision … but reviewing it again …
Yes, I CAN (CAN is probably as important as SHOULD)
it's really alot easier to write 140 characters than a whole blog
i have a lot more soundbites in me than I have prose
I can tweet by texting from my iphone (talk about easy!)
why not! It's a one-way publishing service! Like FREE PRESS!
No, I can’t
i despise soundbites
if I have a “soundbite” in me, it’s usually an expletive (!)
texting from my phone costs me 10c
My take? Yes, tweet if you can! It’s a one-way publishing service anyway! And there are ways to link your blog to your tweets! Subraya, a friend who owns two small technology services companies, recommends this service: http://www.ping.fm/.
Gosh, that was fun and MyFirstPost is much longer than I expected. A sign of good things to come! More later! Happy New Year, dear friends!
K.B.
Friday, January 1, 2010
12:10 2010
It's ten minutes into 2010. What did I do tonight? I cleaned and rearranged every room in my apartment. I skipped dinner (poor me) and ate Godiva chocolate that a friend gave me at lunch. I gave myself an enormous present: a clean, safe, beautiful place to live in 2010.
The truth is that I never really moved into this apartment, and it's been a little over a year. I've hated living here form the beginning. It's a weird space and poorly built, with linoleum in the living room and a tiny kitchen. But the bedrooms are enormous and the rent is cheap. I spread out tonight. I made everything exactly as I wanted it. I mopped the floors three times to make up for 13 months of no mop. I shook out the rugs and hung pictures that have been lying on the floor for a year. I moved in, and I love it. They will have to evict me from this apartment. I will never leave.
I spent 2009 feeling like I didn't have enough, like there would never be enough, like all of my possessions were dirty and crappy and I needed new ones. Lots of new ones, but all of my money went to the studio. I felt deprived. Tonight I feel blessed. Tonight I realize how much I have. Materially, I have lots and lots and lots of pretty things, art and antiques and gifts from around the world. I have enough clothes and shoes for five people, and we could all wear something different everyday of the week. I have an enormous, beautiful apartment with the darlingest little dog snuggled up next to me and a gorgeous, loving cat who will be by later. I have food for now and I have food for emergencies. The cat and the dog also have food for now and food for emergencies.
What was that feeling of lack that so characterized 2009 for me?
2009 was my hardest, most uncertain year. I think I just thought that stuff and money meant security. I would never have admitted believing that, but I did. Subconsciously, I did.
I was looking for a reprieve from uncertainty, but there is no reprieve from uncertainty. Life is uncertain. I hope that in 2010 I am able to remember that certainty and security are not the same thing, that I can be completely secure in the most uncertain situations. Uncertainty is wonderful; it's where all the opportunity is. Insecurity is awful, but right now I feel safe. I'm safe even though I'm broke, even though I don't know when I will sell a house or when the studio will be profitable. I have always had enough, despite the fear and worry. Why would I think that would suddenly not be true?
Is this the itty-bitty beginning of a little faith? Please? Maybe, just maybe? I've been waiting for a long, long time.
Happy New Year everyone!!!
The truth is that I never really moved into this apartment, and it's been a little over a year. I've hated living here form the beginning. It's a weird space and poorly built, with linoleum in the living room and a tiny kitchen. But the bedrooms are enormous and the rent is cheap. I spread out tonight. I made everything exactly as I wanted it. I mopped the floors three times to make up for 13 months of no mop. I shook out the rugs and hung pictures that have been lying on the floor for a year. I moved in, and I love it. They will have to evict me from this apartment. I will never leave.
I spent 2009 feeling like I didn't have enough, like there would never be enough, like all of my possessions were dirty and crappy and I needed new ones. Lots of new ones, but all of my money went to the studio. I felt deprived. Tonight I feel blessed. Tonight I realize how much I have. Materially, I have lots and lots and lots of pretty things, art and antiques and gifts from around the world. I have enough clothes and shoes for five people, and we could all wear something different everyday of the week. I have an enormous, beautiful apartment with the darlingest little dog snuggled up next to me and a gorgeous, loving cat who will be by later. I have food for now and I have food for emergencies. The cat and the dog also have food for now and food for emergencies.
What was that feeling of lack that so characterized 2009 for me?
2009 was my hardest, most uncertain year. I think I just thought that stuff and money meant security. I would never have admitted believing that, but I did. Subconsciously, I did.
I was looking for a reprieve from uncertainty, but there is no reprieve from uncertainty. Life is uncertain. I hope that in 2010 I am able to remember that certainty and security are not the same thing, that I can be completely secure in the most uncertain situations. Uncertainty is wonderful; it's where all the opportunity is. Insecurity is awful, but right now I feel safe. I'm safe even though I'm broke, even though I don't know when I will sell a house or when the studio will be profitable. I have always had enough, despite the fear and worry. Why would I think that would suddenly not be true?
Is this the itty-bitty beginning of a little faith? Please? Maybe, just maybe? I've been waiting for a long, long time.
Happy New Year everyone!!!
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