Day Zero

It's been just about a year since I've written anything here. Or written anything at all, other than Square One newsletters and solutions to math problems. I guess the good news is that Square One is still with us (we all had our doubts, didn't we?), and I've found a (much needed) way to supplement my income.

Where have I been? Well, I fell in love. Just the act of writing that makes me want to cry. And I've cried a lot. It's all great what they say about feeling your feelings and not running away and all that, but eventually I just have to keep moving.

Anyway, falling in love like that was a first for me. He was family. He was also my best friend and my lover. I'd never had all three in the same person. What an experience! I wouldn't trade it for anything.

But there's always a but. I gained a lot, but I lost a lot too. Eventually, at the end of a year, more or less, I found myself without a yoga practice, without a blog, and without a room where I could just go and be, a place to put my legs up the wall or kick into a handstand. I was always bumping into him and his things and his furniture and his life when I tried to spread. Through no fault of his. I really, really, really loved him, and I still do.

But I had to go.

So here I am, in a new apartment, sitting at my table, surrounded by boxes filled with coffee cups and sardines and paper plates, a little worried that I might see a roach, but really happy to be typing. Really happy to be making words out of the chaos and change that has been my life lately. (Sometimes it seems like my life is always chaos and change. I guess why not write about it?)

I want to eat home-cooked, vegetarian meals everyday, and I want to write (why not a novel?), and I want to practice, practice, practice. I also want to ditch the car.

Something tells me if I try to do it all at once, I will fail, so why try? I should try one thing and stick to that one thing and see what happens. (Actually, everyone should read Willpower by Roy F. Baumeiste and John Tierney. It seems the research would agree.)

But another part of me says, this is what I want, so why not just do it? I thought about those 40 day yoga challenges at some of the other yoga studios. So maybe I could do my own 40 day challenge.

This is what I want to do everyday for forty days:

1. Wake up and sit for ten minutes, then write.
2. Go to a yoga class or practice for at least one half hour. Preferably class. I just need that structure right now.
3. Eat unprocessed, whole foods.
4. Drive my car only when absolutely necessary.

Those are four very simple things that a lot of people do regularly without any thought at all. That's the thing with habits. As every human being on the planet knows, new habits, or coming back to old ones, takes enormous will. The habits that I already have are the easiest things in the world to do.

Of course, now it's published, so I will have to deal with you when you ask how it's going. If I shrug my shoulders and say something like, "Well, you know... It was a lot to do all at once, don't you think?" you will know what happened.

But if you keep seeing posts about how it's going, that means it's going. Tomorrow is Day One.

Does anybody want to do it with me?