i heart yoga part 1

Ok, so the consensus is that I write about yoga. That's the consensus of one (me) because I didn't hear from anyone. I guess as the writer it is my job to figure out what to write about.

Luckily, I started reading The Heart of Yoga by T.K.V. Desikachar recently, and it's giving me lots of things that I want to think and write about. Desikachar is the son and student of Krishnamacharya, who was both Pattabhi Jois and Iyengar's teacher. But enough name dropping. It's a great book, very simply and clearly written, and I think it may be the perfect book for a new yoga student to start with. It took me five years of practicing to pick it up, but you guys don't have to be as slow as me. (Oh, and, by the way, we sell it in the shop.)

Anyway, he lists a bunch of different definitions of yoga. I'm just going to talk about one, which is from Patanjali, who in the Yoga Sutras, famously writes "yoga chitta vritti nirodah." I've seen this spelled and translated a million different ways. I like Desikachar's translation, which is "yoga is the ability to direct the mind exclusively toward an object and sustain that direction without any distractions."

So how am I doing with my yoga? God, you know, the more I read about it, the more I see ways I can grow. That's the purpose of self-study, which is actually one of the niyamas, or "dos" in yoga. Study yourself, study the scriptures. It is also possible to use a spiritual practice as a whip. "I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough," becomes the mantra. What I'm doing here is self-study. One day I'll write a blog entry about the difference. It's sort of hard to articulate, and I think I confuse the two a lot. Right now I know by the way it feels. This is self study.

Anyway, back to the topic. I am so often distracted. The only times I can think of that I am consistently not distracted are when I am teaching yoga or when I'm writing. But all the other moments of my life are ripe with multi-tasking and a viciously short attention span. I constantly need to move on to the next thing. Now. And then the next thing. And the next thing, and then, oh wait! I was doing that original thing which is still incomplete, so back to task A.

Desikachar puts it this way: "yoga means acting in such a way that all of our attention is directed toward the activity in which we are currently engaged." This makes me think of my current decisions around getting rid of things. The pruning. Too much stuff is a distraction. That's why monks live in tiny rooms with cold floors and worn, hard mattresses. In the West. In the East, I guess they live in caves.

I'm not a monk, and I'm not interested in renouncing the material world. But getting rid of what I'm not using means I will have more opportunities to focus on what is present and useful in my life. Right now, as I've written about here, I'm considering letting go of the internet at my new house. That would be huge for me. The TV went away long ago, but the TV shows didn't. I'm laptop-addicted. I may have to just sit with myself. Maybe I won't let five years go by before I read another really important book. Maybe I'll write and reflect more. Maybe my yoga will get a little deeper.

It's amazing to me how yoga happens. How it unfolds. Practice and everything falls away. Everything. It's not immediate, but when I look back and I see how much simpler and fuller and happier my life is now compared to when I started doing yoga, I'm in awe. If you had told me then to quit smoking, quit drinking, quit eating meat and give away half of my possessions, I would have told you to go fuck yourself. Seriously. But giving up those things just became so obviously the correct action when the time was right. There was no gruelling decision to make. I didn't have to try. I just kept practicing. This shit works, man. It just does.

My new BFF Desikachar says, "we begin where we are and whatever happens happens." How lovely. I don't have to be perfect. You don't have to be perfect. We start practicing yoga while we are still smoking and drinking and sleeping around or whatever it is for us. We don't start practicing after we got all that figured out. It will never happen. I love yoga. Start where you are.

Dear readers,

OK, I'm kind of sick of this blog right now. I want to keep writing, but really. Is this all I've got going on? A few Joe-joes and a cheap trip to Target? I didn't even eat the whole box. Not even a full row. Where's the angst? Where's the drama?

There is none right now. My biggest problem right this second is that between the cat napping on my right thigh and the dog's head on my left thigh, there is nowhere on my lap to put my laptop. So it's perched precariously on one knee, held up by the heels of my hands while I type. Cozy little life.

My personal finances are still a wreck, but I've gotten really used to that. The more I hear, the more I understand that that's just what happens to new entrepreneurs. It's a hump that I hope I get over on the sooner side, but I'm not alone. The business is solid and profitable, and if I just ignore a couple bills every now and then, I have enough money to get by. There's nothing else to say about that.

So, readers. What do you want to hear about? I can write about running a business. I can write about marketing and management, and maybe it will be sort of fresh and different from the rest of what's out there. But really what seems to resonate is writing about being crazy. Because we're all crazy, so y'all get it. But I'm feeling sane right now, and I want to keep writing anyway. Do you want me to write about how I used to be crazy? Or maybe I should just wait until I'm crazy again. Shouldn't take too long.

Anyway. I may give the blog a little break. I hate to do that because I have some readers, and I really enjoy it. I'm just feeling kind of stumped. Like I need a little direction. Suggestions, please!

checking out

Today I was feeling kind of down. I busted into the emergency earthquake Joe Joes and made a retail therapy trip to Target. It had to be budget retail therapy, so all I got were cheap plastic sunglasses and fake gold hoop earrings. But it kind of took my mind off things for a minute, and the truth is I like my sunglasses and I like my earrings. I see the beginnings of a summer uniform. Unfortunately, neither the cookies nor the buying helped for long. I'm not working much right now. No new projects, nothing to distract me from what ails me.

So what ails me? A few things, but I'm not sure they're really the point. There are always, simultaneously, lots of upsetting things happening and absolutely nothing upsetting happening. It's just my perception at the moment that changes. Unfortunately for me, I haven't yet figured out how to quickly change my perception, if such a thing is even possible. Also unfortunately for me, at some point in this life, I decided that being happy all the time was owed me, and when the discontent or the melancholy starts to settle in, I have to do something quick. Go somewhere. Buy something. Eat something. Drink something. I have not learned yet just to sit with it.

Sort of. Sometimes friends who read this blog tell me I don't give myself enough credit. I sit with it way better than I used to. An old friend told me yesterday that I am the healthiest person she knows. Weird, because I feel like the least healthy person I know. But let's face it. Five years ago I smoked a pack a day, drank like a fish, could inhale an eight ball of coke in one night with no help, and didn't think twice about running through the drive-thru after a long night drinking. Drunk. So compared to the vast majority of friends from that era, I'm an Olympic athlete. Compared to the San Francisco Bay Area yoga community, I eat way too many Joe Joes.

What if I didn't compare? What if I just said, hey, I've come along way, but I'm not done yet. I'm still growing. I still have work to do.

This is self-reflection, not self-flagellation. I wasn't very happy today. I have some ideas why, chief among them that I'm human, and humans have a wide range of emotions, many of which don't feel that great. What's more interesting is that my inclination continues to be to check out.

I'm not exactly sure what the solution is. I think that's why diets fail. I can tell myself that I will never, ever eat Joe Joes again, but unless I face whatever it is that Joe Joes seem to be the answer to (it's rarely hunger), I will eventually go back to eating them.

I don't know why I need busy-ness or chaos or cookies or trips to Target. I don't know why I can't just sit with myself. I'm just noticing now how that plays out, and I'm curious. Just like I'm curious about the rage. I still like myself. Really.

blog about blogging

I'm a little worried about this blog.

The business is doing fine. We are not exactly doubling attendance this week, but we're plugging along. I like the new pricing structure. Some people have paid a little more. It's not much money now, but I think as people get used to it, it will bring in a fair amount of extra revenue. Along with the new pricing structure came a really clear decision to quit using low price in our branding. It's not really the point. Do we want people to be able to come, and have we priced it in a way to facilitate that? Yes, absolutely. Is it the best, most important thing about us? No, I definitely don't think so.

So why am I worried about the blog? I'm worried about the blog because I want to keep writing, but sometimes what I do here starts to feel repetitive and without direction or structure.

I'm worried about the blog because sometimes I write things that are innocuous to everyone except the person who I'm writing about. I don't insult people here, but if you're the friend that I'm pruning, you know that, and in retrospect, writing it in a public place feels unkind. But can I write in a way that only involves myself and people who I am absolutely sure will never read this? Do I even want to do that?

I'm worried about the blog because I'm a little sick of thinking about the business, and the two sometimes go hand in hand. I'm going to take a mental break from Square One for a couple of weeks. I have to show up for some classes and certain administrative duties, but I'm not going to worry about changing or fixing anything or trying anything new. I'm feeling a little burned out. It's not that I work too hard, exactly. It's just that I think too much about work.

I'm moving this month anyway, as my readers and friends know. It's a lot of work, and I can take this time to do it slowly, thoughtfully, carefully. In the process, I'm getting rid of what's not serving me anymore. I'm thinking now I might put the internet connection on that list. No TV, no internet. My obsessing usually centers around the laptop screen. Who's signed into class? Have sales grown in the last fifteen minutes? I have an office five blocks away from my new house. I can go in and look at reasonable intervals. What if my home were a really oasis from all that? What if my home were a place where I cook and read and rest and maybe do a little gardening in my 20 square foot yard? What would that be like? Does that sound kind of boring?

Anyway, this brings us to the end of yet another chapter in the Yoga of Small Business. Life is life. Sometimes it feels a little aimless and scattered, kind of like this entry. Hang with me, y'all! I'll get thematic again soon, or maybe I'll start working with a different medium. Maybe I'll pull out the old art supplies, which are the only unused things I'm saving in the Great Purge.

Until then, keep reading. It may be that I'm not writing about the business, which I think just needs to sit on the cooker for awhile, but I plan to keep writing. Maybe I'll turn this into the Yoga of Small Living. Just for a couple weeks. That will wear off too.

pruning

A friend who's a little older and probably a hell of a lot wiser than me told me recently that at a certain point in her life, she asked God to take anything that wasn't necessary. That way, as she put it, she could be miserable for awhile and then get on with her life.

I loved that. It made so much sense to me. I've spent so much of the last year worried about losing stuff, losing face, losing money. Now I have the same prayer. God, take it! Whatever isn't useful. Let's get it over with! Let's rip that bandage right off.

God got busy pretty quick. Within a day, I found a little cottage that had exactly the things that I've been wanting since I moved into the apartment where I live now, washer/dryer, outdoor space, big kitchen. So I took it. Doesn't sound much like pruning, does it? Except that I'm going from 1000 square feet of fully furnished living space to 450. Every stick of furniture that isn't essential has to go. I love it! I'm so tired of accumulating shit I don't need. I want it gone.

Later in the week, I had a huge blowout with a friend. It sounds very callous to say I'm pruning friends, but I am having a long, hard look at relationships. Some of my relationships are dysfunctional and kick me in the ass time after time after time. And I always go back for more. My fear, I'm sure, is of being alone. I don't have a million friends. Honestly, I'm kind of shy, and it's not that easy to get to know me. Don't I need all the friends I can get? No. Even some of the friends I love I have to let go of. They're not working. I don't have to keep trying. I'll be okay. They'll be okay, and if they're not, I probably couldn't help them much anyway.

And then today, my car got broken into. They took my little GPS. I really like that GPS. It has a lovely male British voice who tells me to "take the motorway" when I need to take the motorway. I let it guide me even when I know where I'm going. There's something soothing about never being lost. I've grown to love it. But it is an unnecessary possession. My phone has GPS. It doesn't talk to me, but it will get me from A to B. That's all I need, and really even that is a luxury I've done without 31 of the last 33 years.

I don't mind that my car got broken into. I just don't care. It makes me a tiny bit sad to think of my British friend Tom Tom being traded for a hit of crack, but I can bear it. Easily.

There are things that I am terrified of losing. My dog. My business. My family. My health. I hope God doesn't try to teach me any REALLY important lessons right now. But there is a lot that I am ready to see go. The idea with pruning of course is that what comes back is better, healthier, more vibrant. It's hurts at first, maybe, but it paves the way for better things. I'm ready! Bring it on.

Meanwhile, the business is growing. I have all my big plans, a new pricing structure, new marketing ideas, enormous new goals. But not because there's something wrong. I just like change, and I love growth. I want to keep making it better, more useful and more effective for more people. That's my job. Pruning helps.

operation double attendance

Ok, I have an ambitious goal. And a really bad name for it. I want to see twice as many people come into Square One in June than in April. Is that too much, too high of a goal? June is when the yoga business goes into the summer slumps. Thirty days is not very long. What in the world am I going to do to make it happen?

I don't know, but I have a few ideas. Postcards. Press releases. Smartly placed google and facebook ads.

But I reallly need your help too. We still have referral cards you can give to everyone you know that will get them into their first class for free. If I get ten back with your name on it, you'll get something nice. I don't know what. I think one time I said a free class. Maybe a tee shirt too? But do it because getting more people to square one is a win-win-win. You (in your new tee shirt) and your friends are happy because you do yoga together at the absolute friendliest, best priced yoga space in the whole Bay Area. Square One gets strong and healthy and fiscally strong and keeps growing so more people get to do yoga. Simple, huh? Cards are in the hall. Take a lot, and let me if we run out. I have more!!

So the challenge is to double attendance in two months. It's a big puzzle how to do it, but I think we can. Do you have any good guerrilla marketing ideas to pass along? Let me know! Share them on this blog. Let's make this happen!

Update: I am changing the pricing structure in June to sliding scale 10/12/14. There will be a $12 minimum if you use plastic. Unlimited memberships will be 75/85/95. Five class packs 47//56//65. Eleven class packs will be 100/115/130. We'll have names for the levels on the scale like low, mid and supporter.

Update #2: I'm tired, but no longer angry. I don't hate myself for blowing up. It's something to watch about myself, but just more evidence that I'm part of the human race, which is perfectly fine by me.

rage

Today presented lots of evidence that I am definitely not perfect yet. Even with all the yoga, I am still human, y'all. I lost my shit, once again, on another human being. I punched a wall and used the word "fuck" in several very personal, very loud and very angry insults.

(When I told the story later to a friend, she laughed at me because I used the side of my hand. Punching drywall is painful. She promised me that next time she's on this coast, she'll teach me the joy of a real fist. I hope maybe I won't need to know that by then.)

Anyway, this time it wasn't a landlord or a telephone customer service rep or a gas station attendant. Nope. It was a friend. I'm not going to get into whether she was wrong or not. I mean, really, does it matter? The point is that in many ways, my life and my behavior still feel totally out of control.

Self restraint is a complete mystery to me. I'm baffled by it. I've been trying to find the point in my interaction today when I could have walked away and gone to find my center again. I don't know when that point was. I was driven, like a crazy person, to keep myself in the argument until the time came when I was absolutely overcome by rage. Once the rage hit, it was a little bit like being out of my body. I knew as it was happening that I was acting insane. I could also see it in her face. I crossed the line from regular old everyday anger to something much closer to violence. But my body kept yelling and screaming and punching shit and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. I was incapable in that moment of practicing self restraint.

A lot of you who know me or read my blog will point out that I quit drinking and smoking and snorting coke, but all I can tell you is that didn't happen because of self restraint. I think that if we're lucky, with the big stuff, the addictions, we get a little grace. If we've really had enough, it just falls away.

With the more subtle stuff, there's some work to do. The truth is, I have no idea how to go about it. Go back to therapy? Okay, maybe. But I can't really afford to do that right now, so get your butts to Square One. Your yoga teacher needs to pay her therapist.

Which actually brings me back to what I intended to write about when I sat down tonight: getting more butts into square one. Stay tuned...

a little dispassion

May is looking good. So far, we have made sales goals everyday. If we keep this up, I might be able to rub a few dollars together and do something extravagant. Or, God forbid, save a little.

Here's the really good news. I'm not excited about it. I don't feel any joy directly attributable to the fact that the yoga studio is pulling in enough money to support me and all my small animals. I'm happy enough. I'm working hard and really enjoying my work, but for once, my mood is not directly determined by how well the business is doing.

When things aren't going well, and I'm depressed and worried about it, I particularly want to change my mood by telling myself to be dispassionate, to let go of results, etc., etc., but the high times are fun! I don't usually want to be dispassionate when things are going great. Seeing the business succeed is a rush. There's nothing like it.

But I like this. Maybe if I don't let myself get too high with the highs, the lows won't be so devastating. I know now that it always changes. Five days of high attendance and sales can be followed my fifteen days of mediocre sales and low attendance. Five great days can also be followed by more and more great days. Both things can be true simultaneously. It really doesn't matter much. There's not too much need to get excited.

pricing

So the studio is starting to fill up. Sort of. Most of the evening classes most of the time feel busy and thriving and full.

But they're not. Low cost yoga is a volume business. We have to get about 30% more bodies through the door before I start breathing easy, and we could easily double our current numbers, which would make me really, really happy.

So that's the goal, y'all. Start squishing your mats together, because we're about to have a new definition of full.

But the truth is we don't need 30% more bodies; we need 30% more revenue. Bodies are just one way to do it. Changing pricing is another way. I've been trying to get more bodies in for fifteen months, and while we've had amazing growth, we seem to be at a plateau. I'm still working hard at it, but it would be unwise not to at least consider my pricing structure.

But a lot of people (in fact everyone I've spoken to except the Harvard MBA who first brought the idea to me that my pricing is too low) say that if Square One raises its prices, it will be a complete shift in the core values of the studio. We are a low cost yoga studio, whose mission is to make yoga accessible to everyone. There must be 10,000 postcards out in the world that proclaim in black and white: "we heart $10 yoga."

I have no interest becoming another expensive yoga studio. But as my friend with the MBA pointed out, if the business isn't sustainable, I will not be bringing yoga, low cost or not, to anyone. If the business isn't profitable, we can't grow.

The other thing she pointed out that I know without doubt to be true is that price is a psychological indicator of quality. How many of you buy Aveda or Bumble and Bumble and Bumble or whatever it is instead of the all natural brand at Trader Joe's? Or Tide instead of the generic? I don't anymore, but I certainly have, and I know that even though I could never tell the difference in how my hair looked or felt, I kept buying the expensive products. Maybe square one customers are smarter than that, but could that have something to do with why we're not filled to capacity? I mean, don't you think we should be blowing up? We have awesome teachers and a beautiful space and we're friendly and all the elements are there.

I'm not going to take away "we heart $10 yoga." I heart $10 yoga. But I know that many square one students are coming because they love the teachers and the space and the feeling, not because it's cheap. That may have brought you in, but it's just one reason among many why you stay.

I am thinking creatively about pricing structures that keep drop ins low, but help the business stabilize financially and eventually grow so that we're reaching many, many more people. What I'm leaning toward is a sliding scale structure that starts at Square One's current prices, but that goes up from there. I am also really interested in adding more classes at unusual times that have an even lower price structure. The late night classes now are only $6. I would like to add more classes at off times at prices that make it really, really easy for everyone, even the fashionably broke, to come to yoga.

Here's your homework if you're a loyal square one customer: Help us overcome the fact that price is an indicator of quality by telling everyone you know how great the classes are and what a lovely space it is. Keep spreading the word about yoga with a mission. I know classes are looking fuller these days, but remember that low cost yoga is a volume business. We need numbers. And be patient as our mats start to slide closer and closer together.