faith

We opened the new location today.

I just can't believe how well everything turned out. From running into a student at the Fedex who was dying to lend me her truck (which I really needed right then), to the crew of people who showed up to help yesterday (always just enough people, more would have gotten awkward), to the way the furniture from the old space fit right in like it was made for the new location. It makes me think it was made for the new location. Time, after all, is not what we think it is.

But that's off topic. I took the 11 am class this morning, and it was packed. Alexandra, who teaches that class, was not expecting me to be there, but she talked about the faith required to open the studio, about the faith required for all transformation.

I got all teary because I didn't know before that moment that I had faith. I knew the studio would open on the date that was set. I always knew that. A couple of times yesterday people gave me odd looks when I told them that, yes, we were opening tomorrow. There was a lot of work to do, but I never doubted that it would get done. And then people showed up. Lots of them. They painted the baseboards, framed the signs, scraped the paint off the kitchen floor. Some of them risked tetanus and bodily harm by doing real construction demo and rebuilding. All of them worked really hard and selflessly to make it happen.

I do have faith. I don't have to worry. I know that I am on the right track with square one. I know because everything that I need always comes to me just when I need it.

The rest of my life isn't usually like that, of course. And sometimes square one doesn't feel like that either. What would it be like to understand that everything is always being taken care of? Always. That, I'm learning, is faith.

I want everyone to take the plunge. Quit your job. Do what you love. Dive. You can worry, and you will worry, but do it anyway. You never know. It might just work. In fact, it will always work. The only danger is that you'll have to change your perspective on what it means to be working.

underwhelmed?

I have wanted to write about Monday since Monday. Monday was one of those god-awful days where I went around being bitchy to everyone, especially people who were tyring to help me. I felt like my to-do list was insurmountable, and I hated myself for not being a calmer and sweeter, more centered human being.

Today my to-do list is longer. My business account became overdrawn when I had money sitting at home waiting to be deposited. My real estate deal has fallen through. And I'm happy. I'm content, and I know that I'm doing as good a job as I can do. I know that the yoga studio will open at the new location on Sunday even if I haven't finished. I almost certainly will not have finished.

My friend Matthew (who's doing all the work) mentioned today that maybe I could feel a little more overwhelmed. A little stress response would help get the fitting rooms in and the baseboards installed. A little stress response might get me down to the city and into the bank on time. But I don't want it. I don't want to feel frantic and spent out and spun out and like I'm coming up short all the time. I'm fine. The studio is fine. It will all be okay.

The interesting thing is that I am noticing now that how I feel usually has absolutely nothing to do with my circumstances. Today I feel great even though everything is uncertain, and honestly, not tending toward the outcome I would most like to see. Monday I was miserable even though my circumstances were much more optimistic. What's up with that?

So my emotional state is basically independent of my circumstances, but I still try really, really hard to control the circumstances of my life, most of which are completely out of my hands. Grasping at the illusion of being in control brings me and everyone around me pain and unhappiness. Like on Monday, I had to make the customer service guy at Comcast understand that he had to send me another modem, and no! I absolutely would not pay $15 for shipping. I yelled and screamed and cursed in a wasted effort to gain control over that situation. I don't know how he felt about it or if I brought him suffering. Probably. I definitely made myself unhappy. Unhappier. I was already unhappy or I wouldn't have behaved that way.

It gets tricky here though, because I can also grasp at this feeling of ease that I have in my life today. It might not be like that tomorrow. Tomorrow I may be yelling into my phone again at some live human being who has the misfortune to get me on the other side of the line. I may be worried and stressed out and panicked about how I will get everything done. I may be surly and quiet and weird with the people in my life who I love and who are trying to help me.

Is it a choice? Do I get to decide how I will be? I have never successfully just changed my mood because I willed it (without chemicals). But I do know the actions that tend to give me the result of joy and ease in my life. Basically, I need to go to yoga. Especially when I'm busy and I don't think there's time. I also need to eat. On Monday I skipped breakfast and ate very little until dinner. It may sound silly and basic, but it's something I forget when I get too busy: eat.

Eat and do yoga? Is that really all I have to do? Not exactly, but I would love to remember that it's a great place to start.

fun

Something was bothering me a lot about yesterday's entry. Is watching Dexter really the only thing I can think of that I do that isn't work? Really? Don't I go to movies or take hikes or go out dancing? Truthfully? Maybe I saw three movies in 2009. Maybe. I probably went on a dozen hikes, which isn't bad, but only four or five with friends. Dancing? Once? Maybe?

Am I that serious? One of the niyamas (observances) of yoga is self-study or Svadhyaya. So I'm learning. I guess I'm pretty damn serious. (I wonder if everybody knew that but me.) But another of the niyamas is Santhosha, or contentment. It is literally my yogic obligation to be content. I think that having fun and letting go and being frivolous more often will help me with that. Right? Any normal, fun-loving people out there to confirm it?

So what do I think is fun? Other than work? It took me some time to come up with much, but I decided today that I'm joining the rock climbing gym. I think I will really love it. I've done it a couple of times, although never in a gym, and it's always been great. They even have a bouldering area, and I just know I'm going to dig that.

Plus, they have great yoga. I know, what do I need yoga classes for? The truth is that I love going to class at square one. We have amazing teachers, but it's work for me. I'm on. I have to be friendly and fix heaters and find toilet paper. I really, really don't mind doing that stuff. I love meeting the students and catching up with teachers, but it's work. So I'll do yoga at the rock climbing gym. I'll have options, and square one will of course still be one of them.

As soon as I join. I might be able to go check it out tomorrow. In between meeting number one (yoga studio) and meeting number two (real estate). Or maybe after meeting number two and before checking in at the studio. But before doing the late night sample class. Okay, maybe Wednesday. But it's happening. This week.

work

Now that I am self-employed, the line between work and the rest of my life is becoming very, very hazy. What is work anyway?

Writing this blog: work or not work?

Work. Work that I love, but work. Selling real estate? Definitely work. Walking on the beach with my dog? Not work. Or is it? Isn't it personal work? Yoga: work or not work? Work. It's work on my own growth, and it's work to make me a better teacher.

What isn't work? I guess watching Dexter isn't work (I've been spending a lot of time doing that lately), but basically aren't we always growing and learning and wouldn't most of us agree that growing and learning are work?

I've spent a lot of time this weekend working on the new space. My hands are kind of raw from installing click-and-lock laminate flooring. My knees started to hurt. But a lot of that time was spent talking to our new neighbors or to people who came by to help or see the new space. All of this was definitely work, but it never felt like work. Not even for a second.

My professional goal is to work a lot, but never feel like I'm working.

Two and a half months into self-employment, and this is one big experiment. What are the things that I do that are producing results--whether it's making the yoga studio better for everyone or getting my clients into houses--that are the most enjoyable, that feel the least like work?

I'm learning that I need to delegate the activities that are painful for me. That pain and dread are good indications that I'm probably not great at those things anyway. I have finally given the square one website over to a studio volunteer who does it for a living. She's great. In an hour she made the website look way better than I ever could, even if I slaved over it for weeks. And she enjoyed it.

So far, I know I love starting things. I am dying to open more yoga studios. That means I need more capital, so my work now is to find that capital and do what I can to keep the ideas flowing. A lot of the detail-oriented implementaion of the ideas can be delegated. Someone will love doing it. Like the website. I'm learning. Lots of people can do lots of things way better than I can and be happy doing them.

But there are one or two things that I do really, really well. The experiment now is to be very clear about what those things are and figure out how to do more of those things and less of everything else. It's an obligation, in fact. Ultimately, the goal is to be of maximum service to humanity, right? Isn't that your goal? If that's the case, we better be doing what we love. I've spent enough time in jobs I really dislike to know that it is very difficult to be of maximum service if I hate my work.

Oh, and I haven't forgotten that I have to make a living. I have this crazy, naive hunch that if my goal is to be of maximum service and if I focus on doing the things I love, the makin-a-living part will just fall into place. I'd love to hear people tell me their experience with this. In any case, it's just another experiment.

community

The best thing about square one is and has always been the community that builds it.

Today was the first official work day at the new location. Here is my public thanks to Matthew Flanagan (boss), Judy Huang (assistant boss and photographer), Michelle Mitchell, Alexandra Teague, Carlos Pena Garrido, Yael Martinez, Dylan, Wendy, Mike. I really hope I didn't forget anyone! Buddy.

It was a great day. It reminded me of the first square one and how all these people came together to make it happen, most of whom had never done yoga and never intended to do yoga. It was spectacular. Sometimes when I'm at home alone on Saturday nights feeling like I don't have enough friends, I have to remember those days. Not only do I have plenty of friends, I have outstanding friends. Friends who will drop everything to help out. Friends who want nothing more than for me to succeed.

If you want to read the story of the first opening, please read it at http://www.squareoneyoga.com/thanks.html, but now back to today. What's happening now is different because it's not personal. The people who came today are coming for square one, not for me. They want square one to be successful. They believe in the vision of the studio and they're willing to give up their time and their money to see it through.

So many people are a part of this now. Last weekend we had the Haiti benefit concert and bakesale. People spent their entire day baking for us (thanks Carleen and Caitlin!). Other people brought bottles of wine and lots and lots of people came and spent lots of money. We raised way more than I expected.

I could never do that on my own. I didn't have any money to send to Haiti. What I have now is a long list of contacts that I use very, very carefully. I have a lease on a space that can be used for events. I have a little time to send emails and ask people to come. I do a couple very simple, easy things, and all these people come together and accomplish really amazing things.

I could not have opened square one on my own and I could not complete this move on my own.

I was teaching restorative tonight after the big work day, and I felt all this gratitude that I get to be a part of this. I don't own square one. On paper, maybe, but from day one, square one has been a collaboration. I am entrusted to make decisions, but that's it. It's not mine.

I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to talk about God for one minute. As you understand God. It has all fallen into my lap. The very best things have all happened with no effort on my part. I make way better decisions for square one than I can possibly take credit for. Someone's watching out for us. I know it.

Anyway. This is a blog about business. Business means providing a service for a community. Building a business is building a community. That's it. I get all worked up about stuff like how much the underlayment costs and whether or not to hire a particular teacher and how the schedule should be structured and why no one came to a particular class. I guess it's my responsibility to worry about those things, but the truth is that that stuff works itself out when I focus on the who I'm serving, the people in the community. And then the amazing thing is that those people turn around and literally build my business. They install the floors and refer their friends, and they keep coming back for yoga again and again and again.

As my new favorite teacher, Rusty Wells, always says at the end of class, "how blessed we are." Indeed. How blessed we are.

here are the pictures Judy took of the space. the before shots.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/judyoski/sets/72157623250398153/show/

slowing down

I said yesterday in the blog that I was going to slow down. I didn't slow down, I collapsed. (And I'm feeling okay about it.)

In ayurveda, there are the three doshas: sattva, rajas and tamas. This is an overgeneralization, but basically, sattva is pure and clean, rajas is hectic and frantic and tamas is collapsed and decaying.

In my life, I am beginning to see how I move from rajas to tamas and back again. There are these wonderful moments of sattva that sometimes happen in between. I think the older I get and the more I practice, the sattva moments happen more often and last a little longer. But it's all cyclical. It's normal, natural. I've been in a long period of a lot of frantic activity. Of course I collapse.

The goal is sattva: quiet and alert and calm. That means slowing down. I've just overshot the mark a bit. I'm working on it.

Now back to Dexter.

distracted

This blog is going to be a little personal. Sorry. If you just want to read about signing leases and yoga asana, read a different entry.

The heat in my life has been turned up the last few weeks. (Kind of funny that this perfectly coincides with starting to take yoga in a heated room, something I swore once I would never do.) I've been floating around unaware for a long time and now all the sudden something is making me look. It's awkward and inconvenient and messy.

I went back to therapy a few weeks ago. It got really intense really fast. And then I decided to quit. The therapist annoyed me. She seemed smug. I decided if I just kept going to yoga and focusing on the good things, the right things, then that stuff that's getting stirred up would work itself out.

But I run away. That's my nature. It won't work itself out because I'll find a way to distract myself. I used to distract myself with drinking and smoking and lines. I don't recommend it. It's a deeply destructive way to feel okay.

When I started doing yoga, I settled down a lot, but I got distracted again when I started the business. I became an obsessive multitasker. I email and drive. A lot. Just like when I drank and drove, I feel manically above the law, above reason, super human. It's completely insane, and a symptom of me not being able to sit with myself, despite all my yoga and meditation and holiness. I'm as crazy as ever.

In some ways this activity is wonderful and creative and I'm blessed to be able to do it. In other ways, it's still a distraction, and one that is leading me away from myself rather than closer. I get the sense somehow that I'm missing the point.

When I quit drinking, I was scared that I wouldn't be creative without booze. I have the same fear now. If I slow down, I'll run out of good ideas and the business will fail. I'll quit creating.

But when I stopped drinking, I didn't become any less creative. What I found was that drinking had actually hampered my creativity, and what I did create was small and not very useful. A few paintings. A couple short stories. That's all great, but it came in fits and starts. I never put enough energy into it. I didn't have much energy left over to give to it. I was never able to be consistent enough to create a body of work that I could share. Now I create useful stuff. I created a business, a new career. I created this blog that's really growing on me. And I'm sticking with it. It's way better than a few drunken paintings.

I wonder if slowing down will actually focus my creativity in a new way, like giving up drinking did. Interesting. I think I have to try.

I can't stop the therapy now, even though it's gotten so uncomfortable. In fact, I have to keep at it because it's gotten so uncomfortable. It's hard, that's all. When it gets hard in yoga class, I don't hate the teacher. So maybe it's not the therapist, smug or not. I think I'll give her one more shot.

profit: is it a bad word?

I spent the day in the heart of the yoga business world, at the Yoga Journal San Francisco Conference. I was there volunteering for a non-profit yoga group. Honestly, I was uncomfortable all day. I was uncomfortable with the unabashed commercialism of the main conference, but I was also (to my surprise) uncomfortable with what I saw as a bit of martyrdom on the part of the non-profit group.

It cost several hundred dollars to attend the three day Yoga Journal conference. I couldn't afford to go, which is part of the reason I volunteered. They offered a few free classes for the community, but the classes were short (one hour, while the regular events were all at least two) and they had corporate sponsors. I was excluded from the majority of the conference because I couldn't pay. It was an exclusive event, and that fact made me feel, well, excluded. It was uncomfortable and reminded me a bit of not being able to sit at the cool table in middle school.

The problem of people being priced out of yoga altogether is a bigger issue, and one that the both I (in my for-profit business) and the founder of the nonprofit are trying to address.

The founder of the nonprofit was being interviewed for a book at the table we were working, and I got to listen in on the conversation. She talked about always having a second job, in addition to running three nonprofit yoga centers and a separate nonprofit outreach group. She seemed to take pride in that and mentioned that working the second job kept her teaching real. She knew what it meant for wrists to hurt from typing, what it felt like to be on her feet all day.

I get that, but isn't yoga about getting quiet and still and finding time for our selves? It is incredibly difficult to be centered and focused and clear when I am working 100 hours a week. I know; I've done it plenty! But I would never, ever advise my students to try it, and I know it's inadvisable for me too.

My business has a mission statement, and in the mission statement is the word viable. If the business is not supporting the people who work hard to keep it running, it is not viable.

The founder of the nonprofit asked me why I wasn't a nonprofit yet. I think she assumed that I just hadn't dealt with the paperwork or hired an attorney, but the real reason is that I don't want to be a nonprofit. I run a for-profit business, and I feel pretty good about that.

I believe we can have the best of both worlds, for-profit enterprises that are inclusive and mission-driven. Square One is a for-profit social enterprise and there are many more of them popping up. To me, it's the ideal business model. Stating that I am a for-profit enterprise is honest and real. Searching for ways my organization can bring more health and wellness and happiness to my community and the world is the mission, the right thing to do, and good business sense. Making money and doing good are not mutually exclusive.

I'm not a altruist. I'm not a saint. I need to be supported financially for the work I do. I'm not going to pretend that isn't true or feel guilty about it. But I'm also going to keep looking for ways to include more people, ways for the studio to be friendlier and more accessible and ways to make sure that the classes are consistently good. That's it.

I'm glad I went to the conference. There were a lot of sessions that looked really interesting. Maybe next year I'm plunk down the cash and go. Maybe I'll apply for a scholarship if money is still tight. To their credit, they do offer some scholarships. Or maybe next year, I'll find a really great teacher to offer a fun workshop that weekend at my studio. He doesn't have to be famous or have expensive shorts. He just has to be good. I think that's my plan. Maybe we'll make a little money.

practice, practice, practice!

Update: I have set my alarm every morning this week and gotten up more or less when I intended to. I've also made it to Rusty's class as planned on both Tuesday and today. That's the best, most important thing happening in my life right now.

As I've mentioned many times here, starting a business really did a number on my asana practice. What I've been doing for the last year really is just maintenance. I haven't gotten stronger or much more flexible or learned any new poses. (Of course, purists could easily argue that this has nothing to do with yoga, but let's face it. I want to get stronger and more flexible and learn new poses. Starting the studio is also yoga, but right now I'm talking about being on the mat.)

It's ironic that someone who lives next door to a yoga studio where she can go to class for free all day long should have a hard time getting to yoga. But I have. And when I do go, it's usually because it's my job. I need to do sample classes and be at the studio and greet students and be a presence. I really love doing all that, but it's not the inward, quiet, private practice of yoga, and that's what I've been missing.

I also need to be challenged. I need to really work my body. I need to be invited to try poses I've never done before. I need to be encouraged to push myself. When this happens in yoga, everything changes.

The most obvious thing that happens is that I get high. Being in Rusty's class reminds me a lot of being at a club in the 90's high on ecstasy. There's good, loud music and lots and lots of people with these gorgeous, enormous smiles that make me feel like I've arrived, that I'm home. And there's sweat. Lots and lots of sweat.

But something else happens that's a little more subtle. I touch parts of my body that are very, very difficult to get at. I get deep and dirty in my hip sockets. I use my core from the bottom of my pelvis to the pit of my belly and all along the sides of my stomach. I use it all. My hamstrings don't just stretch. That's easy. The tendons at the edge of my sit bones loosen and release and my spine falls cleanly to my legs. The balls of my feet ground down, and all the little muscles in feet activate to lift my arches. My legs shake with effort from deep down, right next to the bone.

Sometimes this is all happening at the same time, and I get to watch. I get watch my mind tell me it's too hard, tell me I can't do it, I shouldn't do it, it's too much. Then there's the breath, the breath that keeps flowing deeply, right into those spaces. The breath that tells me that it's hard, but that I'm okay. I'm steady. I'm there. I'm safe.

And what's in there? What is it that I'm touching? I don't have words for it exactly, but I'll tell you what happens. I leave cleaner. I lie back in savasana and what was buried deep in my flesh has been loosened, is brought to the surface. Sometimes I cry. Tears roll down my cheeks and puddle in my ears. Just like when I was a beginner, and I was crazy and depressed and sick. I'm not a beginner anymore, and I'm not depressed or sick. But I still have work to do. I'm not there yet. It's a relief to know that. It's a relief to cry in savasana again and know that the work has restarted.

"Practice, and all is coming." -Sri K. Pattabhi Jois

Two things:

1. Everybody, of course, should come to square one yoga. But I'm going to plug Urban Flow pretty heavily too. It's a really friendly and welcoming space, and Rusty's class is amazing. I think Square One and Urban Flow are basically after the same thing. Go check it out! Better yet, come with us. Send me an email, and I'll tell you the details.

2. Are you reading this? I know there are a few of you. Will you please follow me? I only have one follower, and as much as I'm trying not to care, I want to see your pretty faces and names up there. Thanks!!

consistency

I am not very consistent. I forget things. I've found myself saying to a lot of people lately, "I'm sorry. I dropped the ball." A lot.

It was easier to be consistent and to have good habits when I worked a regular job. There were things that had to get done in the morning before work and things that had to get done in the evening. I set an alarm and woke up early. I went to bed at basically the same time every night. I woke up and did it all over again. I had deadlines imposed by institutions and bosses and groups of people who needed me to accomplish certain tasks by certain times. For the most part, I followed them. I met deadlines. I showed up.

Six weeks into self employment and I have shut off the alarm. It's kinda nice, lying in bed. I have a dog and a cat, one on each side, and they're warm and they love me, and I'm not late to anything but my own to-do list. But while I don't have deadlines or bosses, I still have groups of people who need me to accomplish things by certain times in order to be able to do their jobs effectively. And like I said, I've been dropping the ball.

There are other important things don't happen that basically no one cares about but me, but that I care about a lot. The blog doesn't get written. I don't take as many long walks with the dog. I skip yoga.

It's not that I'm not working. I'm working long days, but without a rhythm, without habits and without structure. Now the structure has to be internally motivated, internally moderated, and I have a hard time with that. Self control essentially, right? If I can't put down the pint of Ben and Jerry's, can I impose a healthy schedule on myself?

I'm going to try. I'm going to start easy. I'm just going to set the alarm. That's it. I don't even have to set it really early. I just have to set it, and then I have to get up.

I think I'll add two more things. Tuesday and Thursday mornings at 9 am, you will find me at Rusty Well's all levels class at his lovely new studio in the city. (Urban Flow. Go!) I want to get stronger, and I know it will happen in his class. And Tuesday is my day off. I don't work on Tuesdays.

Of course, then there's the question: what's work? The best thing about my life right now is that my work is my hobby, and my friends are my clients. So what's a day off? I'm not exactly sure, but I have a hunch it's important. All the best things that have happened in my professional life have happened effortlessly, in times of rest and relaxation, when I wasn't thinking about work. But this is a whole new topic for a new entry, and it's pushing ten. I guess I have an early day tomorrow.

Haiti

Haiti.

I live my life in a very pleasant bubble. I listen to NPR, but I like the happy stories, the touching stories about families and the distant, dispassionate stories about politics. I like stories about our president, whom I adore. I do not like this story about Haiti. I cannot fathom what is happening on that little island so close to us.

I have lost friends, but always one at a time. There is this palatable sense when the loss is fresh that the world has changed, that a hole has been created, a void. I always know, can feel it in my arms and legs and belly, that the world will never the same, that the universe has changed in some real and significant way, that we have all lost something incredibly important that we will never get back. What would that feel like if I lost many, many friends and family members, not to mention my schools and my home and my business and my pets all at the same time?

Incomprehensible. Unbearable.

Square One is hosting a benefit concert for disaster relief on January 30th at 7 pm. Making Dinner (the band) is confirmed, and I'm waiting to hear from a couple others. All of the proceeds will go to aid organizations working now in Haiti. If you are a musician and would like to play (it's a volunteer gig), please email me katy@katycryer.com. We're requesting $20 donation. It'll be an anonymous, toss-in-the-pot kind of thing, so no worries if cash is tight. Wine, beer and a fine selection of NABs will also be available, by donation. Please come.

Be well, everyone!

Getting up, Katy + Organic Cotton (by K.B. Teo)

8:41am. It was a struggle to get up this morning. I was awake from 4:45am and I fell asleep at 6am. I was NOT chirpy at 7am when I woke up once more. Its kinda ironic because I read Katy's response to my blog yesterday!

What I love about Katy's blog is she's authentic. She's present in her full glory. I kinda hide behind facts, figures, and optimism. In other words, so far, I've only blogged on days where the SUN blesses me with her bright Rays, when I've had my Steaming English Breakfast Tea, and NEVER when I have a backache, a headache OR when I'm not feeling as sweet as a cupcake. This was what struck me when we interviewed Katy about how she set up her yoga studio in Emeryville. She was raw, and open.

And because beautiful Katy was raw and open, how could I not like her. How could I not feel that when I speak to Katy, she forces me to be authentic and real. Now that's emotional yoga. [Note: Andy and I are almost done with Katy's movie ... and it'll be posted here when we launch.]

But I (again) digress. Today is actually about organic cotton.

Organic cotton, per Rachel, can be bought in Egypt, Turkey and India. According to thehindubusinessline.com, India is the LARGEST producer of organic cotton. Turkey is #3 and Egypt - which brings to mind the soft Egyptian cotton I remember as a child - is not actually a top five producer.

Speeseees makes organic baby clothes. Ingredients are
* certified organic cotton
* fair trade
* low impact dyes
* pvc-free plastisols
* lots of love

When Rachel first started, she wrote this poem about chiks. I thought I would share it because Betsy and I always find it so interesting to hear how small business owners start : how was the idea germinated?

Chicks was the first animal Rachel put on baby clothes. She put it on her first baby onesy, for her best friend who loved chickens.

Love. It seems to come up, and sometimes it seems cheesy and sometimes, it's the engine that runs the train. I met Ike the other day. Ike - from the ever-popular Ike's Sandwich Place, which is going to open soon at the Stanford University campus. Ike talks alot about love. Unabashedly. He signed off in his email to me: Lots of love, Ike. Which would make any girl blush. Alright ... I blushed.

What has love got to do with business? Well, Betsy and I are determined to find out. And we'll let you know once Ike tells us.

As always, GOOD MORNING! It's 9:00, 8 days into the new decade.

Lots of love (I had to try this out once ... tell me if you blush),
K.B.
www.mymightybiz.com

Work and Life

I just read K.B.'s most recent entry, and I want to respond.

It's just back to this blogging = whining trap that I think I fall into. K.B. doesn't do that; I do that.

I love working!! When she says she was up and working at 6 am and loving it, and I just want to say that when I was up at 6 am working, I was loving it too! There has been absolutely nothing in my life more exciting and stimulating and interesting that starting a business. Right now in my life, there's not a lot of reason for me to be up at 6 working, which I'm really, really grateful for. But when there was, I was happy doing it.

I just can't be in the start-up stage forever, and I think my psychology wants me to do that, so I have to be careful. It comes back to the concept of dharma. If I'm in dharma, there's no difference between work and love and life. It's all the same. There is no workaholism and no exhaustion, there's just living and doing what I'm called to do.

That's what I'm after, and usually when I'm working really long hours, it feels like dharma. It's just life, and I love it. Work and friends and relationships and fun all weave together.

I was walking the dog this morning at the Marina and I walked past the line of cars waiting to pick up car poolers. I used to wait in that line, and picking people up marked the beginning of my work day, the beginning of a long commute. My work life was completely separate and distinct from the rest of my life.

It's not so now. Now I'm walking the dog in my pajamas, enjoying a beautiful morning on the Bay, sipping Peet's coffee. I have my phone, and as I walk, I shoot off a couple emails, maybe I make a phone call or two. Is that multitasking (tsk, tsk), or is that enjoying life while I get a couple things done?

I'll take it this way and sorry if I sometimes slip into whiny moments!

Going to see Rachel of speesees.com (By K.B. Teo)

Going to see Rachel of speesees.com, a SF-based organic baby clothes manufacturer

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by k.teo@mymightyb...

It's 7:40am and I've been up since 6am. It's been like this for two weeks. You'd think I hate it but actually, I don't! I love the fresh morning air - it's so crisp. I love the feeling of getting ahead. And it's been good to be so busy as we chug along with our very own small business.

This morning, I'm excited to announce that I'm filming WITH Betsy Flanagan of Startup Studio for the first time! We'll be interviewing Rachel of www.speesees.com, a design shop that makes organic baby clothes based right here in San Francisco!

Betsy is PassioNate (yes, capital P and N) about small business stories like me. How did they start? Where did they get the idea? Did anyone help them? How did they find the money to do it? Are they happy?

She has actually interviewed Herby of Southwest, Steve Smith of Tazo Tea and Grace Welch of Patemm (www.patemm.com), founder of a ROUND baby changing pad (!) featured on The Oprah Winfrey Show. Betsy's podcasts can be found on allbusiness.com, and hopefully, soon on our site as well.

This morning, we're going to film (we moved from podcasts to videos) Rachel. Rachel is a powerhouse. She started speesees.com back in 2003 and at her first trade show, Rachel tells me she was one out of just three people selling organic baby clothes. Rachel strikes me as visionary. She thinks big. And she's succeeded in such a competitive area. You'll get to watch her own story in her own words, shortly, on our site, www.mymightybiz.com.

I also have fantastic news! Our very own, Katy Cryer, is going to be on radio! Watch out for her on Monday, January 11th at 5pm on 91.7!!

Good morning everyone! It's 7:54!

K.B.
www.mymightybiz.com

Balancing

The best, strongest poses in my asana practice are balances. The most difficult thing in my life right now is finding balance.

It's been about a year since I first found the space that is now Square One and started thinking about whether to open a yoga studio. I worked from 6 am until 11 or 12 at night for the next three months. There was a certain point after the studio opened when I went on a daylong meditation retreat and realized that I had not taken a day off of work in over four months. It's good that I went on a retreat, but at the same time, if a friend or student had not taken a day off in four months, I would tell her not to go anywhere, to curl up with a book or a bunch of DVDs, to sleep, to do whatever required the least mental and physical effort possible. But even my day off was about improvement.

It was right around New Year's Eve this year (which I spent alone for the first time ever) that I found myself sitting in the car on the phone, in between appointments, sobbing, with a potential new therapist. What happened to my relationships? Where were they? Why wasn't I in one?

I had paused long enough to feel lonely.

Starting a business is really hard work. Starting a business and working another job at the same time is simply insane. I love what I've created. I just wonder if I have created it at the expense of something else. Or maybe what's more accurate is that I busied myself with its creation as a way to distract myself from the loneliness and disconnection that were already there.

I distract myself and check out in so many ways. At this point in my life, it seems to be with work, but at other moments in my life it is with eating or drinking or shopping. I even (gasp!) have done a lot of drugs! These are all strategies that have worked for varying amounts of time. But if what I'm distracting myself from is loneliness, maybe it would be a hell of a lot easier just to address the loneliness.

This week, I'm saying yes to every social invitation that comes my way. I'm going out to dinner tomorrow. I'm going sailing and I'm going on a nighttime cruise to Alcatraz on Friday. Saturday I'm going to Bodega Bay where I'll spend the night at a house a friend has rented for the weekend. There will be a whole bunch of people there, many of whom I won't even know. I'm going anyway. I don't know when I will do the payroll, or find houses for my clients. I do know that I will show up to teach my yoga classes, and I do know that my teachers will have checks on the day they are supposed to have checks. Past that, there's nothing else that I really have to do. Except have fun, dammit!